Dumb Things In Civil War That Everyone Just Ignored


Fans agree: Captain America: Civil War is
one of the best superhero movies ever made. But just because it’s awesome doesn’t mean
it’s perfect. We’re more than willing to forgive Marvel
their few mistakes, but in the spirit of constructive criticism, here’s a look at some of the dumb
things in Captain America: Civil War that everyone just ignored. Tony Stark’s terrible phone Product placement in big movies is inescapable
these days, but this is pure marketing shenanigans run amok. In the first Iron Man film, Stark used what
was, at the time, the most cutting-edge phone around, the LG VX9400. “Iron Man ability, LG ingenuity, together
in every LG phone.” In Iron Man 2, he got a slate of sci-fi glass
branded with LG and Stark Tech logos. But in Civil War? It’s a Vivo V3, a fairly cheap phone mainly
available in Asia. The move was done for product placement for
when the movie showed in that market. But for a tech billionaire like Stark? It just seems silly. He should be using something so cool we can’t
even imagine it…not something anyone could pick up at a corner shop. That security camera on a nowhere back road Bad guy Helmut Zemo has a sinister plan that
revolves around grainy security footage of the Winter Soldier killing Tony Stark’s parents. So, two big questions here: why is there a
security camera on a random, deserted backwoods road, and how on Earth did the footage survive
to the present day, considering Winter Soldier shoots out the camera when he’s done? It’s an amazing coincidence beyond belief
that there just happened to be a security camera on a tree right where Howard Stark’s
car crashed. Unless that’s the Winter Soldier’s lucky killing
tree. How’d they make that Spidey suit so fast? Tony Stark convinces Spider-Man to join his
cause in part with the promise of building him a high-tech new costume. “You’re in dire need of an upgrade. Systemic, top to bottom, 100 point restoration
that’s why I’m here.” Just a few hours later, Spidey shows up already
wearing the completed suit. That was fast! Has Tony secretly been working on a Spider-Man
suit in his spare time all along? Maybe Tony’s hobby is designing clothes for
all his buddies! That would explain the Vision’s sweaters,
anyway. That scheme’s not what it seems… Zemo’s big plan to cause the Avengers to destroy
themselves works amazingly well, especially considering it doesn’t actually make any sense
and relies entirely on coincidence. “An empire toppled by its enemies can rise
again. But one which crumbles from within? That’s dead.” For starters, there’s that unexplained, tree-based
security camera footage we mentioned earlier. But that’s just the start. What about the fact that the big showdown
at the end of the film only works if Iron Man happens to follow Captain America to the
bunker? That’s something Zemo couldn’t possibly have
known would happen. If Iron Man had stayed put, the end of the
movie would just have been Cap kicking Zemo’s butt and then stomping the incriminating videotape
into pieces. An even bigger coincidence: his plan is designed
to cause the Avengers to fight amongst themselves. But by the time his plan starts, they are
already fighting with each other over the Sokovia Accords… “Sometimes I wanna punch you in your perfect
teeth.” Which means his whole plan is kinda…pointless? Especially since he could have accomplished
everything he wanted by simply emailing the video to Tony Stark instead of trying to trick
him into flying all the way to Siberia to view it on a VHS tape. Hey, Tony could’ve just watched the video
on his Vivo smartphone! Whatever happened to that doomsday virus? The movie begins with a breathless action
sequence as the Avengers try to stop the villain Crossbones from stealing a deadly biological
weapon. Just as Captain America is about to learn
who’s behind the theft, Crossbones blows himself up. And then… everyone gets so busy making speeches
they forget to wonder who was hiring supervillains to steal a doomsday virus and, more importantly,
why. Was it Zemo? Or maybe the ghost of Robert Redford? Or was Ultron up to his old tricks again? Maybe we’ll learn the answer when everyone
suddenly turns into zombies Avengers 3. Where were Nick Fury and SHIELD? Nick Fury was basically the architect of the
Marvel Cinematic Universe and played a significant role in just about every big event within
the MCU. Well…at least he did. Because you’d think he might have something
to say about the events of Civil War. Yet he was completely and mysteriously absent
from the film. “Get me off the grid!” Also missing? Fury’s second in command, Maria Hill, who
we last saw helping train the new super-team at the end of Age of Ultron. So what the heck happened to her? And then there’s the total absence of SHIELD,
which has been going strong on television even as the movies continue to conspicuously
ignore their existence. Given that SHIELD’s whole mission at the beginning
of the MCU was to provide oversight to superhero activities, it would make sense for them to
be at least a little involved with the Sokovia Accords. But apparently SHIELD, Nick Fury, and Maria
Hill were all busy taking a long vacation in Tahiti. “You should go sometime.” “Where?” “Tahiti. It’s a magical place.” Flip-floppers Between Tony Stark’s creation, Ultron, blowing
up Sokovia in Avengers: Age of Ultron and the Scarlet Witch taking out part of a building
in Civil War, the Avengers sure have a lot to answer for. But not to the government! Remember, this is the same government that
tried to nuke New York City in Avengers! “I got a nuke coming in it’s gonna blow in
less than a minute.” It’s beyond hypocritical for the government
to get upset at the Avengers for causing collateral damage when they were planning to kill literally
millions of their own citizens to stop some aliens. The recruits don’t fit When it’s time for the big showdown, Captain
America and Iron Man go on recruiting missions. But the folks they end up with don’t really
make sense. In Ant-Man, Scott Lang spends the whole film
trying to go straight, leaving the criminal life behind so he could be a good dad to his
daughter. That goes out the window with no explanation,
as Ant-Man becomes a fugitive again pretty much because he has a man-crush on Chris Evans. Which… fair enough. “Wow! This is awesome! Captain America. I know you too, you’re great! Jeez.” And that goes double for Hawkeye, who actually
retired at the end of Avengers 2 to spend time with his wife and family…only to end
up in a secret prison in the middle of the ocean. Because…well, we don’t know why, because
it’s never addressed. “Hey Clint.” “Hey man.” “Clearly retirement doesn’t suit you. You got tired of shootin golf?” “Well I played 18, shot 18, just can’t seem
to miss.” Meanwhile, on the other side, Tony Stark goes
ahead and recruits a nerdy high school kid and throws him into combat against Captain
Freaking America, not to mention the Winter Soldier, the deadliest assassin the world
has ever known. “You have a metal arm? That is awesome dude!” That’s just negligent. Aunt May would never be cool with that, Tony. That’s a straight-up dealbreaker, dude. (Marisa Tomei freaking out on Robert Downey
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