Giving The People What They Want

P: Hey guys! D: Hello Internet! P: Hello
D: So…Dan and Phil in 2018, eh? P: Yeah!
D: What’s that about?
P: Who knows? D: Amiright? D: So we are doing a world tour this summer that actually starts in a few weeks.
P: Yes! P: Called Interactive Introverts! D: Great name.
P: I know, right?
D: Even better graphic design, if I do say so myself.
P: But what is it? And why? P: On YouTube, with all these videos and followers and cRazY mEmES
D: A lot of those. P: Sometimes it can seem like we are these two HUGE characters of Dan and Phil
D: Yes.
P: When you gotta remember, we’re two introverted guys. D: And while we’re all still here, we want to get real
P: Yes.
D: And connect with you as people ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) D: Not “danisnotonfire” and
“AmazingPhil”, whoever they are. (rest in pizzas Danisnotonfire you will b missed :'( ) D: I mean like you, individual watching this right now D: Hi, *virtually handshakes* I’m Daniel Howell, nice to meet you. P: Hello, I’m Philip Lester. This is a weird handshake. *giggle* D: Philip, doesn’t work for you. You don’t pull it- it just doesn’t seem right. P: Okay, we’ll keep Phil :/ doctor phil (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖) D: The theme of our tour is giving the people what they want D: Literally doing exactly what you want us to do the most. P: Because you watching this are the reason we are here, and we just want to please you. (DAN LAUGHING AND SMILING AT PHIL IS MY AESTHETIC DONT @ ME NEJFIWgory8bIGFHARE&) D: Exactly, so if you want to come there are still tickets available, some shows are close to selling out. D: But you can check it out at D: But, before we go do that in real life, we thought, why not first, just do that on YouTube too? D: So, I tweeted asking what you want to see us do in a video (seriously all the comments were like phan stuff ewbhuIBHU) P: Which as many people pointed out was a terrible idea. D: Probably an awful, dangerous concept, but now for you, we are going to do exactly that. D: React to ‘Phil Is Not On Fire 1′ P: So why we’re here? D: Just felt more appropriate. D: Phil Is Not On Fire. P: The genesis of Dan and Phil. D: The origin of Dan and Phil. What started off as just you doing a Q&A, P: Yeah!
D: I was just there as a guest reading the questions. P: And look what happened!
D: All this shit happened. What a mistake. (( ͡⚆ ͜ʖ ͡⚆) IF YOU SAY SO DISJOBSI) D: We should go back in-
P: Don’t call it a mistake!
D: We should go back in time and stop it from happening. P: This is the dark timeline.
D: I’m joking P: Are you ready for a cringe attack, or are you okay? D: To cringe, to cry, to… craft? P: Woah ho ho, careful careful.
D: Not to craft. Yike. D: This was, by far, the most requested thing.
P: It was! D: Like, not even people replying and going, “Anything? heEHEE- F*ck.” P: Play! D: What is that first frame? Okay, here we go. P: Oh my god. [fetus dan]: Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face? P: We look so young!
D: Random, XD. Oh my God, look at my face. P: We look like fetuses had their own children!
D: Such innocence. D: It was worse. I mean, it looked good at the time, but it’s worse than now, I hope we can all agree. P: I think so.
D: My hair was so smooth. P: Mine’s like a literal bird nest.
D: It was very- P: It was so big!
D: It was T H I C C (C C C) [ you got that right ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)] [fetus dan]: *giggle*
[fetus phil]: *screeches for help* D: What was up with that editing, it was so random. P: I don’t know, I think just it was like putting a video on shuffle.
D: Yes. P: Would just make it more interesting. [fetus dan]: If you had to lose your leg or your nose, what would you lose? D: Good question.
P: My leg. [fetus phil]: I’d lose my leg? D: You still have the same answer.
P: I’ve still got the same answer. [fetus dan]: Ninja or pirate? P: Pirate. [fetus phil]: Ninja, waaaaaa (oh shit) P: *gasp* Changed my mind!
both: Ohhhhhhh! [fetus dan]: Who was your first love?
[fetus phil]: Your mum *airhorn effect* (woAH ThERe) D: Zing. Right there, t-ten years later, no comeback to that.
P: We’ve still got the “your mum” jokes. [fetus dan]: Glabella is the space between the eyebrows and on the nose D: That was educational. No one knows what the hell a glabella is until they watch Phil is Not on Fire. P: It’s been on quiz shows, it’s helped people.
D: Literally. (L I T E R A L L Y) P: Kissing the lion.
D: Flag this *dan clearly offended* furries are the best of best facial hair (idk) D: Furry propaganda. [D / P]: *giggling* D: That tongue bite thing, I tOLD YOU IT’S A THING! P: That’s just how I laugh!
D: Phil refuses to accept he always goes *ahehhhh* (oh wow) P: It’s not a conscious thing!
D: One day- P: Let’s see, let’s see. D: He’s gonna bite his tongue off [fetus phil]: Je mange les petits enfants. P: I just said I’d eat small children, would that get me demonetized now? D: It was educational Phil, we’re teaching people French.
Cannibalistic Phil: Yeah. *dan agrees to cannibalism and cringes* [fetus dan]:They are Poundland GHDs [fetus phil]: GDHs P: Oh my god my bedroom was such a mess! D: You had guests ’round! P: Literal pants on the floor! D: What kind of impression were you tryin to make? P: I don’t know. D: SLOB. [fetus dan]: *giggling* You just can’t say that. [fetus phil]: No. D: What did you say, Phil? P: I don’t know! (*suspense sound effect* (bouta succ sum toes yeet see ya) [fetus dan]: Should I even bother asking about your feet? (WHY EVEN ASK) (automatic demonetization) [fetus phil]: No. D: You said that, and then showed people your feet. P: I know. D: This is the precedent we set on the internet; you’re like “haha, just kidding!” *demonic voice* Enjoy my feet (demonetized) P: we still have that, In our kitchen. Oh, you licked it. D: Ooh, we haven’t washed that. P: Disinfect it [fetus dan]: What was your first word? [fetus phil]: Light. D: LiGhT! P: LIGHT! Baby Phil: lIghT! [fetus dan]: This was the most fun I’ve ever had. D: Iconic quote D: Okay, wait a minute! Pause, pause aweee how coot P: What? D: Can we talk about that moment? P: Yes, the TACKLE D: Why did you do that? P: I thought- *stumbling over words* I mean you weren’t expecting it D: That hurt! Look at the impact! D: If I was slightly further back I could’a hit my head on your dresser, and I’d be in a coma right now. P: It was funny! D: …Funny? P: Yeah! D: You scare me, Philip Lester. D: You think he’s innocent? P: I am innocent! D: *softly* You haven’t seen the things I’ve seen. this is so concerning on so many levels D: I still think that holds up, D: these days. P: I think it does! D: It’s not that cringe, or weird, I mean yes it’s totally random, P: Yeah. D: but people still watch the series to this day. P: Though it was filmed in 2009 sooo, we’re all dying. D: That’s 10 years next year. P: 10 years of knowing YOU. *chuckling* *both cringe in slient but not rly but yes rly* D: Alright let’s move on! P: Okay. P: Swap clothing with each other. D: Why is this a thing that people want *dan clearly not wanting to do this* P: We’ve got different styles. D: Very true. P: I’ve chosen some Phil specials for you, among some ones that I don’t wear that much. D: And I have chosen a selection of very Dan-esqe outfits that I cannot wait- P: They’re just- D: WHAT? P: They’re just absorbing all sunlight. D: What do you expect? D: Let’s go do the fashion! *both dance awkwardly coot* P: What am I doing? D: Premium Content. P: (Laughing) D: Hi there. P: It’s like you’ve been taken over by the good twin. D: I feel like one of the freakin’ Stranger Things kids right now. Be honest Phil, (P: Yeah.) D: are they your style icons? (P: Maybe.) D: Imagine me right now, on a freakin’ bike. P: Yeah. D: I’m coming to snatch your girl and your demogorgans.(wig) P: Stop. P: How does this feel? D: Wrong, totally. D: Are you ready Phil? (P: Here we go.) D: Give us your best catwalk. It’s Dan outfit one. P: (Laughs) That was my catwalk. D: Aesthetic. D: How do you feel, Phil? P: I feel like don’t know what this flap is doing. What is this for? oof D: It’s basically a high-fashion fanny pack. P: It’s like a crotch slapper phil why, WIG D: You just ruined that *Phil laughs* D: I’m gonna go ahead and say that my monochrome aesthetic- please stop doing that- looks quite striking on you, Phil. P: Does it? D: Because you too are monochrome with your raven black hair (P: Yeah) and snow-white skin. P: Is that a compliment? D: I’m not sure either *laughter* P: Watch out, everyone, it’s time for Party Phil! D: I can’t see anything!! (P: It’s worth it!) D: This was a terrible idea, okay. P: My glasses actually suit you. (D: You are so blind.) P: I know. I call this jumper “ladybird chic” Why do you own so many glittery things, Phil? P: Everything is improved with a bit of glitter, Dan. (D: Okay.) Even you. D: Thank you. I think we’ve learned a lot about your personality with this. Wow. Bring out the angst. P: I hate this so much! (D: C’mon, Phil)[Dan singing Jaws theme, then laughing hysterically] I… I look like a funeral died, and we’re having a funeral for the funeral. You mean you look swaggy af is this… I hate this, (D: Why?) I actually hate it. D: Whew! What’s monetized? Not this video, yikes. P: My shoes took about half an hour to put on. D: It was worth it. I always feel like we look better in each other’s clothes P: Well, this might look good, but it doesn’t feel right. D: Yes, might not express who we are on the outside (P: Yeah?) …but it does on the inside, and that’s what counts. There we go, we managed to give this a moral or something [Dan clattering, Phil yelping] Recreate old videos What’s an old video that people liked? Something- something distant and domestic (P: Distant?) that the people love. Day in the life Manchester! A slice of life (P: Yes!) from two nerdy guys. Just seeing what we got up to in the wild. It’s pleasant! (P: Yeah!) Some people just like- they love that shit It’s perfectly valid. Let’s go recreate it then! P: That’s a lot of effort. Welcome to a day in the life of Dan and Phil in Manchester P: 2018 edition D: Like 10 years later D: Let’s go see if our apartment or anything we loved is still there. (P: Okay.) This might be sadder than we expect. Oh god no, Phil, Phil wait- (P: The wheel!) Where the hell is the wheel? P: The wheel is gone. They’ve replaced it with… a tram! P: That’s no fun! D: What? I mean, I guess, as public transport goes, a tram is more convenient than a wheel (P: Sad times) But wow, (P: Where’s the fun?) it’s like a metaphor or something. I’m gonna have a breakdown. Please, please, just the one thing we rely on. Oh my god, Phil (P: Yes) the Starbucks is still there! (P: I need a Manchester macchiato) Everything is ok! Is the troll under the bridge? (P: It’s still disgusting.) Yeah yeah, that’s still as horrifying as ever. So what’s the plan today, Phil? P: We’re gonna explore Manchester! Oh my god, (P: I’m magically older!) wow! Look. There it is. (P: It’s still standing!) That is our apartment, (P: Aww, I miss it.) right there. Not the top one (P: No) No, (P: That’d be serious) the one underneath. There we go. P: What do we do? D: We need to go frolic, Phil. [Phil doing his bird run, Dan laughing] P: It’s all the same! D: The universe has just continued without us. P: Except your hair is a lot curlier D: Hit me with your moisture, it will do nothing. I can’t imagine for any reason that we’ll ever come back here, (P: I know!) so d’you wanna say goodbye? D&P: Goodbye, D: Manchester apartment! P: Byeeee! D: That was alright! P: It was alright. D: It was alright! D&P: Yeah. D: Look at him. In his own little world. D: Don’t risk it. Don’t even try and risk it- some things will never change. D: Ahhh, back. P: Just walked back, here we are- D: Yup, didn’t totally go to Manchester to see some friends the other day and- P: No- D: Knew that we were gonna film this video or anything *mumbling* P: Totally planned it. P: DO THE YOGA CHALLENGE! D: What the hell is the yoga challenge?! P: I think you basically- D: WHY DO PEOPLE PUT “CHALLENGE” ON THE END OF EVERYTHING? P: You look up like, yoga moves, and you try and– muh– D: That’s just doing yoga. P: try and do it. D: How is it a challenge for us? P: I think it’s weird yoga poses that people do.. together. *suggestive hand movements to describe what they are about to do* D: *confused yet slightly risqué eyebrow raise* P: *continues to do weird hand movements, not sure why he is still doing it* D: Put your hands down. P: *laughing* don’t know what I’m doing– D: Christ, what’s about to– *realizes what he is saying and stops* Let’s go! D: Here we go Phil, WOO! P: Oh, this is a terrible idea! D: We are gonna give this a hundred percent. P: I’m gonna wake up dead tomorrow D: *singing* Wake me up inside! …The hospital. D: THIS is our first pose P: That looks impossible! D: That LOOKS hard, but I actually think it’sentry level. P: You have to be the person doing the handstand, then. P: I’m just gonna put my ass in the air and hope for the best. D: We’re basically just doing two downward dogs, P: Right D: next to each other– it’s the– it’s the human dog-peed. P: I’m dogging! D: Not that way around, and don’t say that, that’s a– that’s a thing. *Phil screaming through all of this* D: I just have to, put one foot there, one foot there P: OH MY GOD D: *laughing* Are you good? P: No, do it! *strangled laughter* P: YEE! D: YE-HE-HE-ES! FUCK YOU! YOU DOUBTED US! IT’S HAPPENING! P: IT’S HAPPENING *Dan falls on Phil, lots of screaming* P: *laughing* Ah, you kicked my elbow! D: Ah, me, a-all my blood is falling out of my body right now. P: I can’t believe we did one! *celebratory jingle* D: Next is that! P: Christ. D: Look at those two ladies, having fun. P: I don’t know which is worse! D: Top or bottom Phil? P: *awkward laughter* Hehe-no, erm, I’m gonna be… P: I think it’s easier to be on bottom there. D: He said it. P: Alright. *sudden realization* No, because then you’ll fall on me! D: Okay. You ready? P: Yeah. Go! *screaming* BAA!!! D: *laughing* You spat on me! D: You, LITERALLY just SPAT P: *laughing* I’m sorry, I’m sorry! D: ON ME! P: Sorry! P: If you pause that video, we did it for like two seconds *celebratory jingle* D: Our final challenge! P: *singing the tune of “The Final Countdown”* D: Is this. P: No. P: What is it – that looks like some sort of weird sex position, and it’s the future D: They could be wearing shirts P: Yeah, like what- why, why, why P: Okay holding your arms- D: Hold my arms P: Yeah D: Yeah, okay? P: Get in there D: Now, I’m here- (P: Yep) Okay *Dan’s hysterical laughter* P: This is not gonna happen! D: HOW DOES THIS EVEN WORK?! P: I don’t know! P: Right. D: Are we ready? (P: Yep) 3, 2, 1 P: Go! P: Ack! D:*screaming* PAUSE THAT SHIT! PAUSE IT! *sad music* *jingle of success* D: We f*cking did it P: There we go D: Did you see that? F*cking did it right there. [P: *laughs*] Thought we couldn’t do it? Yoga Challenge D: BITCH. P: Done. P: Get a dog! D: *laughs* P: This is all people say to me on social media D: Why do people want us to get a dog so much? P: Well I guess they’re cute? D: Yeah, and wh-who [P: and they make people happy] cares about humans, when you can get dog content? P: Yeah D: Maybe they care about our happiness, and they know that a dog would improve our lives. P: No they just care about dogs. D: Okay, well uh D: BRB I guess D: So we got a dog! P: We got a dog! D: Look at this good boy [P: It’s Bowie] right here D: Isn’t that right P: *cooing* Hello D: Meet a new member of the family- We’re just kidding, we’re just kidding P: It’s so cute! D: Ph-Phil we can’t do this to them P: Why? D: This isn’t our dog. P: I want the dog! D: We just borrowed him for today P: I WANT THE DOG! D: Look, we’re about to go on tour for five months, D: it would be a terrible time to bring a dog into our lives. P: It would P: I mean I kill houseplants *ominous sound effect* D: Don’t you think a dog would be a good idea? P: No D: But just for you, have some of this D: Here we go, th-th-this is all people care about P: This is all I care about! D: Just solid – D: *laughs* dog action [P: This is what every day should be] *Dan laughs* D: Um excuse me. Excuse me. P: Human flesh P: Woof! *dog woofs back* P: Yes! P: D’you see that? Woof! *dog woofs back* *Dan’s hysterical laughter* P: I am the dog whisperer! *laughter* D: I am more adept at wooden floors than you *wheeze* D: Okay, we’re having fun, but now I’m physically tired P: *laughs* D: *laughing* Can I borrow some of this energy? D: Look at- D: It looks like he–he wants to eat you, but I think this would be a good way to go *laughter* D: Wow P: Amazing D: So I would say that this has improved the quality of this video and my day by about one million percent D: Are dogs in either of our futures Phil? P: Well I think I’m allergic, but I would sneeze through the pain to own one D: That is commitment right there. [P: What about you?] That is true love for the dogs D: I don’t know, like dogs make you happy P: Yeah D: But I feel like that’s just filling the hole with dogs. P: I wouldn’t mind D: Just putting a plaster – fill that hole up. D: Yikes. D: Maybe one day I’ll deserve one. P: Yeah D: We’ll see D: Oooh! P: What? D: And finally, make Phil swear P: NO, I CAN’T SWEAR! D: Okay, Phil – P: What about the grandmas watching? D: Phil, Phil, we’re getting real D: We’re getting real P: The tiny three-year-old is watching- D: Talk to me, Philip Lester D: Why don’t you swear on YouTube?
P: Because, I feel like I’ve gained this audience of people that watch my videos P: in a wholesome- [D: you’ve dug yourself into a non-swearing hole] environment, they’re watching me in church D: But Phil you’re an adult. [P: I am] No one’s watching you in church – you swear, to ME, P: *laughing* I do D: randomly P: I do but that’s not on YouTube D: So why, why don’t you swear on YouTube? P: Because! My grandparents watch my videos, I can’t swear if they’re gonna see it *Dan laughs* D: You must have sworn in front of them a couple times P: No! D: Like, stubbed your toe P: No! It’s very- D: Look P: I can’t D: I’m sure they don’t watch all your videos. P: Well if they are watching, then… P: Stop. D: Don’t you wish you could just casually and naturally swear a couple of times? P: Maybe but I feel like I’ve built up this thing D: Phil. (P: What?) This is, this is on my channel P: You’re stressing me out D: Everyone watches my content P: Yeah D: They’re used to it([P: Fine, fi-) They wouldn’t be clicking on this if they weren’t expecting it. P: I’ll go as far as… crap. D: Phil. P: Ass D: Phil, st- right, right now, (P: Bloody hell) drop an f-bomb P: NO! D: Just do it, come on. P: I can’t. D: The people have asked for it. P: *laughing* I can’t. D: Are you gonna betray the whole frickin’ [P: Yes!] point of our lives right now P: I can’t do it. D: Just 3, 2, 1 P: Fuck. *laughter* *Phil swearing but in slow motion for d r a m a t i c e f f e c t* D: how do you feel? P: I feel… P: It feels wrong in front of a camera P: I’m gonna go have to wash my mouth out – D: They asked for it P: -with holy water or something. D: Reall- I can’t believe that’s the most challenging thing that’s happened this video P: I know D: There we go *celebratory children cheers* P: We couldn’t do everything in this video P: but like we said, we are going on tour this summer and giving the people what they want is the aim. D: Yes D: On our black and neon-red set that looks like some crazy shit from The Hunger Games [P: It does] D: We are putting ourselves out there and completely in your hands ’cause this whole show is interactive and don’t worry. There’s no like, forced audience participation P: No we’re not gonna drag anyone onstage or shine a big torch in your face. D: No, we’re making a website that will let people submit content before the show if they want to get involved otherwise you can just turn up and have a good time P: But what it means is every show will be completely different (D: Yes) and a special experience just for the people there D: So what kind of things that you want are we doing in this show? P: Hmm, Daniel, [D: Let’s see!] Let’s have a look! P: What? *laughs* D: Don’t like the way you said that P: Daniel P: Roasting D: Oh yeah, we are going to let the audience roast us with truth bombs which should be pretty funny for you P: I’m scared D: Getting deep- Oh I am gonna get deep and rant about some real sh*t that you’ve suggested P: Put our friendship to the test P: We’re making that high-stakes by letting you test how close our bond is with a game that electrocutes the loser. D: Yes P: That’s gonna hurt D: That’s a thing that’s happening P: Stories! We’re gonna talk about funny times in our lives D: And we’ll be on the road (P: Yep) so I’m sure we’ll have plenty of stories that we’re desperate to tell *Phil hiccups* P: About my hiccups D: Ooh P: Going outside and interacting with the public. D: There is a live simulator game P: Oh, yeah! D: In which we create that in a safe environment P: Is it safe? P: Archery *laughs* D: With us? On a stage? P: Who would think? D: Surely not! P: Surely not! D: We’ll let you see what that’s about. And what’s this? Oh, lots of requests for a Phil diss track and piano playing and singing P: My face gives things away. I can’t look at the camera. D: Let’s just say D: You don’t want to miss this tour. We want you to laugh, to feel like you have connected with us, (P: Yes) D: and have taken something away from it for yourself P: It doesn’t matter if you’re 15 or 50 or who you come with D: No, it’s an incredible atmosphere, and you will have a good darn time, [Phil chuckles] D: okay? And make memories that we can all treasure forever. P: Yes, and hopefully you will feel that we’ve given you what you want. D: Yes. P: We’re going all over the UK! D: Including the places with the best accents: Manchester, Newcastle, [P:Yes] Liverpool, Edinburgh in Scotland, and Cardiff in Wales. All over the USA like Florida, Philly, Texas, Georgia, New York.. P: Basically everywhere else: Europe, Australia, Singapore, Hong Kong, India and Manila in the Philippines D: Manila D: I hope we get to see you in real life. P: Yes D: If you want to see where we’re going, when, and get tickets you can click here [P: do it] or go to P: You can check out my channel for some behind the scenes day in the lifestyle vloggy action coming soon D: Yes, or stay subscribed to my channel if you want to see a fine ass trailer that we are making *claps once* But, yes D: I hope this video pleased you [P: Mmm] as that pleases us. P: Bye! D: Goodbye. Hey, well uhh hows the guy with all his left side cut off? hes all right now ;} im sorry GO FOLLOW ME ON INSTA BOIIII @jadelon_ k bye bbgs

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