For better or worse, when you’re in school, your social circle is kind of on autopilot in that your friends are gonna come from the class
that you’re in or at least this school that you are in but once you graduate, it can be very hard to figure out
where you’re supposed to go to meet cool new people or how you’re supposed to actually make them your friends. And that’s why in this video I want to give you three awesome ways to meet cool people after graduating and this is gonna be really useful if you’ve just graduated or you may have graduated a long time ago but you’re
moving to a new city and you have to start over or quite frankly, anywhere in between; because these
are the principles for making friends in any situation. So first one is this — be the hub. Now, what I mean by this is if you think of a bicycle wheel, it’s got a bunch of spokes coming into a central hub. And the question is — in your friend group, are you more
like the hub — the person who is organizing events saying, “Let’s go to my house,” or “guys, do you wanted me to this restaurant at 7:00?” or “go to this movie on Wednesday night,” — or are you the person who is the spoke? — sitting at home waiting for the text to come in
which sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. That is the downside of being a spoke. Yes, you don’t have to take charge of organizing events but you’re only invited some of the time and even worse, when one of the other spokes has a party or a cool event and they can’t invite everybody, who is the person that they invite? It’s inevitably the person that invited them; it’s that hub. And this is why people who tend to organize events or just have dinners where they invite a bunch of people over tend to make friends exponentially faster than the people who are just invited. So if you want to kickstart your friend group, this is a really easy thing to do Think of something this week that you can invite your immediate circle of friends to or even your family and also encourage them to bring anyone that they might like — it could be a dinner, could be movie, or it could be game night. The second thing — I’ll admit is the one that I do because I’m not an organizer; I hate planning things and I’ve really almost never do it so I have to rely on this one — and it’s to be the beacon. And what I mean by this is to stand out in a way that makes you stand out in people’s minds as a little bit different but then they
associate you with other people like you concretely. When I first left my job along with Ben, we were dealing with a lot of conversations from our friends trying to talk us out of quitting our jobs becoming entrepreneurs and moving to Brazil with no plan. When that inevitably failed and we said, “No, we’re going,” they said, “Alright, at least talk to my buddy who quit his job last year and is an entrepreneur” or “alright, you should talk to this guy who moved to Brazil last year; he can help you sort of get your bearings.” And that’s how we met our best friend in Brazil and I’ve met countless entrepreneurs from other people who maybe didn’t necessarily approve of what we were doing but because we were so different in their mind, they kind of set up like friend dates where they put us together and that had never
happened to me in my life until I started to stand out. Now, you might not be an entrepreneur and you may be wondering how do I do this. If that’s the case, there’s actually a very easy way. And it’s to take a hobby of yours — preferably something you really like or that is very different — and put it early in conversation and I’ve seen Ben do this a ton. People say, “What do you do?” when you can of course say your job but then you can say, “Also, on the weekends, I like surfing. Now, some people won’t respond to that but some people very enthusiastically will go, “Oh, my god, man. Me too. I’ve been looking
for a surf partner. Do you want to go sometime?” They go surfing; if they’re friendly, they hang out outside of that. Or they’ll say, “I’m not into it but my buddy is.
You guys should meet,” and the same thing happens. Quite frankly, this is how I have met 95% of the people in my life; they have come into it through Charisma on Command since I graduated college and I am forever thankful of this — those of you who have emailed me, my friends and my roommates, guys who came to the first ever class that I held, a guy one of my roommates was a guy who came to the first ever class of Charisma University which is our online course. Shameless plug — if you want to check that out, it’s in the link below. But all of these people came in because we were
the beacon and I highly recommend doing this. If you’re curious for more, I’m also going to put a link to a video that is on finding and identifying your passion so you can put it out there — in social media, Instagram, blogging, and YouTube. You will be surprised and you can feel awkward and strange putting your music out there or whatever it is that you love but inevitably, over time, people do tend to go to the one that’s raising their hand and saying, “This is what I like.” So consider being the beacon. The third thing is going to be the easiest one and also one that can have the funniest events which is saying yes to things that you’d never say yes to. And when I got to Costa Rica, this is exactly what I did. I thought salsa dancing was super lame and I also had no friends when I got to Costa Rica so I kind of had to do what they did and I took a salsa dancing class. I wound up meeting almost all of my friends in Costa Rica and the girl that I dated. Later on in life, there’s a ton of things that you can do; you’ve got improv comedy, you’ve got rock climbing, you’ve got theater groups, and you’ve got all sorts of things if you go to meetup.com and just sign up for something that you wouldn’t before. I actually did this — I went to meet up and it was called Skillshare back in the day and there was a class on life hacks and it was held by this guy named Scott and it looked like a cool class; it wasn’t something I do but I decided to go. And I got there and was a cool class and I actually
really liked the guy giving it; I wanted to be his friend. Now, at the event, he was the beacon. He was the person standing there, everyone liked him, and after class, like eight people ran up to go talk to him which I was like, “Alright, this is not me,” so I had to leave. And this is what happens when you say yes — friends aren’t made automatically just by showing up to Toastmasters or improv or some Meetup but a few weeks later, I came across an interesting life hack and I emailed him. And then I went back and I was the hub; I said, “You and me and my buddy should meet up on dinner and talk because it sounds like we have a lot of common interests.” And so me and him and Ben went out to the club and went out to dinner together, became friends… long story short, he eventually quit his job and moved to Brazil with us. But the point of that story is that you can’t just say yes. When you go to these events, you eventually have to be the hub. So if you go to improv and there’s a handful of people you want to make friends with, the way to do it after is to say, “Hey, my friend” or “I” or whoever it is “is going to go out to dinner after class next week; do you guys want to come?” If they say yes, you go to dinner; now you’re the hub — you’ve started a new social circle. So we have those three things — be the hub, be the beacon, and say yes the things that you might not have said yes to before but what that does, of course, is it puts you in a circumstance
where you’re surrounded by new cool people when you’re still going to have to make a good first impression on them. So in order to help you do that, we have set up a video that teaches you the four emotions you can make in any individual in any culture that will make them like you respect you and want to get to know you better and eventually to be your friend so if you’re curious with those four emotions that you’re going to want to create in the other person are, you can go below or click the link around here which I will set up. It’s going to take you to a page, you drop your email, and you’ll get immediate access to that video. If you like this and want more let me know in the comments below what kind of stuff you’d like me to cover in future weeks;
if this is the first time, welcome to the channel. I hope that you decide to subscribe and of course to hit that notification bell so that you don’t miss any new videos like this one. I hope that you enjoyed this and I will see you in the next video.