Is Central Jersey A Real Place?


>>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK TO “THE LATE SHOW.” GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. FOLKS, WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON. SEEMS LIKE THE AMERICA YOU USED
TO LOVE AND KNOW DOESN’T EXISTS, OR MAYBE YOU GOT A NEW PHONE AND
ISN’T ANSWERING YOUR TEXTS. STILL, IT’S UPSETTING. BUT FOR SOME FOLKS TO HAVE THE
STATE OF NEW JERSEY, THE UNITED STATES THEY THOUGHT THEY KNEW
MAY HAVE NEVER EXISTED ADD ALL. SO TONIGHT WE TAKE A LOOK AT A
LOOK AT A SMALL CIVIL WAR BETWEEN THE NORTH, THE SOUTH AND
THE MIDDLE PART. JIM?>>STEPHEN: THIS IS NEW JERSEY,
THE GARDEN STATE, A PROUD PART OF THE UNION SINCE 1787. A STATE WHOSE CONTRIBUTIONS TO
THE ARTS INCLUDE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, MERYL STREEP AND
MEATBALL PEOPLE.>>MEATBALL DAY! MEATBALL DAY!>>STEPHEN: ITS CITIZENS OFTEN
IDENTIFY AS BEING EITHER FROM THE NORTH OR SOUTH JERSEY, AND
THEY DON’T GET ALONG.>>NORTH JERSEY CULTURE IS MORE
CROWDED, AND THEY TEND TO THINK THEY’RE BETTER THAN THE REST OF
THE STATE.>>NORTH JERSEY LACKS HEART.>>A SOUTHERN JERSEY PERSON IS
PROBABLY MORE ON THE BEACH END, MORE PRIDEFUL, A LITTLE
ARROGANT.>>I THINK THEY’RE DOING THE
BEST THEY CAN BECAUSE THEY’RE SO CLOSE TO PHILADELPHIA.>>STEPHEN: EACH PART OF NEW
JERSEY IS DEFINED BY ITS FOOD. THE NORTH CALLS THIS A SUB WHILE
THE SOUTH CALLS IT A HOAGIE. THE NORTH CALLS THIS TAYLOR HAM,
AND THE SOUTH CALLS IT PORK ROLL. CALL IT PORK ROLL ON THE WRONG
SIDE OF THIS STATE, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.>>WANT SOME PORK ROLL? ( GUNSHOT )
>>STEPHEN: THAT’S THE WAY IT’S BEEN FOR 250 YEARS, A NORTH AND
A SOUTH AND NOTHING IN BETWEEN. ENTER NEW GOVERNOR, PHIL MURPHY.>>WE ARE ONE NEW JERSEY–
NORTH, CENTRAL AND SOUTH. ( SLOW MOTION )
…CENTRAL… CENTRAL…>>STEPHEN: DID YOU CATCH THAT?>>( SLOW MOTION )
…CENTRAL…>>STEPHEN: CENTRAL NEW JERSEY. THIS BOMBSHELL MADE HEADLINES
BECAUSE MANY NEW JERSYIANS DON’T BELIEVE THAT CENTRAL JERSEY EVEN
EXISTS, LIKE RUTGERS LAW PROFESSOR JAY FEINMAN…>>IN “LIVING ON A PRAYER,” JON
BON JOVI POINTS OUT WE’RE HALFWAY THERE, NOT A THIRD OF
THE WAY THERE.>>STEPHEN: …AND POLITICAL
REPORTER CLAUDE BRODESSER-AKNER.>>WE KNOW WHY CENTRAL JERSEY AS
A WORD WAS INVENTED. IT’S SO PEOPLE DON’T HAVE TO SAY
THEY’RE FROM SOUTH JERSEY.>>STEPHEN: SO, I SAT DOWN WITH
GOVERNOR MURPHY TO OFFER HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEFEND HIS
POSITION. GOVERNOR, THANKS FOR TALKING TO
ME TODAY.>>HONORED TO BE HERE.>>STEPHEN: WE’VE SPOKEN TO
PEOPLE FROM SOUTHERN AND NORTHERN NEW JERSEY WHO SAY
THERE’S A SOUTH AND A NORTH JERSEY, BUT THERE IS NO CENTRAL
JERSEY. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THESE PEOPLE?>>OH, THEY’RE… THEY’RE
DESPERATELY WRONG. IT’S A LITTLE BIT OF A MYSTICAL
KINGDOM, KIND OF A CAMELOT. IT’S IN THE MIST, SO YOU HAVE TO
SORT OF GRASP IT AND LIVE IT. IT’S NOT ABSTRACT; IT’S THERE, I
PROMISE YOU.>>STEPHEN: SO, IT’S… IT’S… IT’S MYSTICAL AND NOT ABSTRACT
AT THE SAME TIME?>>ISN’T THAT COOL?>>STEPHEN: IS IT NEW JERSEY’S
NARNIA?>>IT MIGHT BE. I HAVE TO THINK. CAN I SLEEP ON THAT ONE AND COME
BACK TO YOU?>>STEPHEN: NOPE. YOU GOT TO GIVE ME AN ANSWER
NOW. I’M GOING TO HOLD YOUR FEET TO
THE FIRE.>>I THINK IT’S DEFINITELY MAYBE
NARNIA.>>STEPHEN: SHOULD SOUTH
JERSIANS BE ALLOWED TO USE NORTH JERSEY BATHROOMS, AND SHOULD
NORTH JERSEY PEOPLE BE ALLOWED TO USE SOUTH JERSEY BATHROOMS? AND SHOULD CENTRAL JERSIANS JUST
HOLD IT TILL THEY GET TO PENNSYLVANIA?>>WE ARE WIDE OPEN ACROSS
THE… UP AND DOWN THE STATE ON ACCESS TO BATHROOMS.>>STEPHEN: NOW, WHAT PART OF
JERSEY ARE YOU FROM?>>CENTRAL JERSEY.>>STEPHEN: OKAY. AND WHAT TOWN IN NEW JERSEY?>>I AM IN MIDDLETOWN.>>STEPHEN: YOU’RE FROM
MIDDLETOWN?>>MIDDLETOWN.>>STEPHEN: THAT’S A LITTLE ON
THE NOSE.>>YES, IT IS.>>STEPHEN: DIFFERENT PARTS OF
THE STATE CALL DIFFERENT FOODS DIFFERENT NAMES. I’M GOING TO HOLD UP A FOOD, YOU
TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD CALL THEM.>>OKAY.>>STEPHEN: TAYLOR HAM OR PORK
ROLL?>>THAT’S TAYLOR PORK.>>STEPHEN: TAKE A STAND! GROW A SPINE! COME ON, WHAT IS THIS?>>I LOVE EVERY CORNER OF THE
STATE, BUT WE’RE VERY COOL PEOPLE IN THE CENTRAL PART OF
THE STATE.>>STEPHEN: WHAT IS COOL? WHAT IS COOL ABOUT NOT HAVING AN
OPINION?>>THAT RIGHT THERE IS TAYLOR
PORK.>>STEPHEN: WHAT IS THIS?>>THAT LOOKS LIKE A SUB OR A
HOAGIE. THOSE ARE THE TWO WORDS I WOULD
THINK. I CAN’T DO BOTH?>>STEPHEN: OKAY, YOU CAN’T. SEE, THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH
YOU CENTRAL PEOPLE– IT’S EITHER A SUB OR A HOAGIE.>>THAT’S A SUB OR A HOAGIE.>>STEPHEN: THIS TAUGHT US
NOTHING. WHAT MAKES YOU QUINTESSENTIALLY
CENTRAL NEW JERSEY?>>ME, PERSONALLY?>>STEPHEN: IS IT THAT YOU ALSO
HAVE NO DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS?>>I LIVE THERE. DOESN’T THAT GIVE ME A LEG UP?>>STEPHEN: IT WAS NEARLY
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET GOVERNOR MURPHY TO TAKE A FIRM STAND ON
ANYTHING OTHER THAN ROCK ‘N’ ROLL.>>BY THE WAY, THE SOUL OF ROCK
‘N’ ROLL IN MANY RESPECTS IS OUT OF CENTRAL JERSEY. JERSEY IS A ROCKIN’ PLACE. IT’S GOT ROCK ‘N’ ROLL. IT’S GOT ROCK ‘N’ ROLL. IT’S GOT THAT INNOVATION ROCK
‘N’ ROLL SHORE LOBE. IT’S ONE HAPPY ROCKIN’ FAMILY. ONE HAPPY ROCKIN’ NEW JERSEY
FAMILY ROCKIN’ NEW JERSEY. WE GOT A LOT OF ROCK N ROLL
RIGHT IN HERE.>>STEPHEN: TO SETTLE THE DEBATE
OVER CENTRAL NEW JERSEY, I HAD TO GO ABOVE THE GOVERNOR TO THE
CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE GARDEN STATE HIMSELF.>>ALL RISE! ALL RISE! ALL RIGHT, SIT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HOW YOU DOIN’? I’M READY TO RENDER MY JUDGEMENT
IN THE CASE OF “DOUCHE BAG VERSUS SOME HUMP WHO CUT ME
OFF.” HEAR YE, HEAR YE, I, JON
STEWART, THE CHIEF SUPREME JUSTICE OF NEW JERSEY, HEREBY
DECLARETH BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME FROM WHATEVER IT IS IN THE
AIR AROUND ELIZABETH, DECLARETH THAT CENTRAL JERSEY DOES EXIST. I GREW UP THERE. MMM, THAT’S A GOOD SANDWICH. BY THE WAY, ANOTHER
PRONOUNCEMENT: PHILADELPHIA DOES NOT EXIST. IT’S ACTUALLY “SOMEWHERE,” A
SUBURB OF NORTHWEST ( BLEEP ) HOLE, ALSO KNOWN AS DELAWARE. “PIECE OF ( BLEEP )” AND
“( BLEEP ).” OH, YEAH? YEAH? YOU WANT A PIECE? OH, WHAT ARE YOU, AN EAGLES FAN? HUH? YOU PIECE OF ( BLEEP )! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: THANK YOU, JUSTICE STEWART! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )

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