I love it that Dutch people speak
English well. You know, it’s a very international culture over here.
Basically whether you’re Dutch or whether you’re just calling the
Netherlands your second home, how many people have visitors?
You have visitors come and they expect you to act like the tour guide, right?
Even if you’ve only been here for a few weeks: “oh my god you’re in Amsterdam?
I’m coming to visit you!” And, oh they all want to see the Anne Frank museum
and the Rijksmuseum… “and if we happen to “be passing the.. sex shop or the
red-light district and the coffee shop…” And it gets old after a while, doesn’t it?
I have a suggestion for everybody who’s in this situation. It’s awkward, it
can be difficult, I know. But there is a way to help get the.. sexual
titillation out of the way, at the same time as having a relaxing fun time
together. And it falls into the category of Culture Shock Therapy, okay?
“Culture Shock” we all know. That’s when you experience something in a foreign
culture that’s like “Well that’s different and wrong.” But then once you
get used to it you realize: “This is actually better what I’m used to!”
Perfect example: I’m talking about the Dutch sauna. Yes, the Dutch co-ed, naked sauna.
And my brother came to visit me, and he was like “oh yeah I saw that there’s a
Sex Museum in Amsterdam! We should go visit the sex Museum!”
We went to this exhibition and fine. But I said “look we’re gonna we’re gonna go somewhere much better. If you want to be a really Dutch experience, we’re
gonna go to the sauna.” And what does my brother say? From America, he said “oh I’m sorry I
can’t!” “I didn’t bring my swimsuit.”
Here, it’s just like “It’s what God gave me,” “and it’s natural. Yeah, we’re all gonna take
off her clothes and act like adults.” It did occur to me, I know. ..Even for
Dutch people the sauna is not for everyone. I get it. I’m gonna put this out there:
for a lot of adult males, if you are looking at women with no clothes on, the
context is generally pornography. I mean right? And yet, isn’t it nice to
remind ourselves that there’s another context of female nudity, which is the sauna, which might involve you know, just people being naked to relax, or to have a
chat, or read a book. And I think a lot of guys are like: is that possible? Yes
it is! That’s the naked Dutch sauna. So I brought my my brother in, and he
started freaking out right away. He’s like: “What are you doing? We’re on the
wrong side! This is the women’s changing room!” And I said “This is the co-ed naked
sauna, man. It’s all, there’s no Women’s side.” “You’re fine. We can all just
get undressed here, you know.” “Look, you just need a towel, you know? they’re
gonna get undressed,” And they got undressed “Now we’re gonna get undressed.”
He was like… And it was a big eye-opener for my brother, because he had never seen
so many women just hanging out. And he was, surprised by all the
different shapes of, you know the… Landing Strip. And the Bermuda Triangle.
And the Angry Spider. But the real eye-opener for my brother from America –
I’m from America – was not the women. It was the men! In America, we don’t have the
fashion accessories that you have over here. In America, when you’re born your
foreskin is out of there! It’s just standard procedure. And I mean, we don’t
even know why. I never got a chance to get to know mine.
That’s how it works in America. It’s like “Congratulations, it’s a boy!” Snip the
cord, snip the penis. Then yeah, you’re an honorary Jew for the rest of your life.
But over here in the Netherlands, man you hung on to those things. And it’s just-
they’re so great! There’s such a variety. They’re like these little fashion
accessories. I mean, what if you would offer me the chance to go to the sauna
and have a little fashion- turtleneck sweater, you know. Some of
them are a little too snug. But some fit perfectly. And some are a little bit too
big, you know like “Oh that’s a grandma sweater.” “She just kept on knitting.” But I
know it’s weird for some people I know, even Dutch people are like “I would never
go to the sauna with my brother,” or whatever. But… the first person
who took me to a Dutch sauna was my boss. And she was cool with it! She was like
“These are my tits, this is the sauna.” “Everybody relax.”
So that is my advice: Dutch Culture Shock Therapy in a nutshell.