“Top of the morning to you.”
“Potato!” “Isn’t Ireland in the UK?” “You’ve had a drink already, ain’t
you? You’re Irish. My dad’s Irish.” “Top of the morning to you.” I don’t know what the response… I get really awkward
and I’m just like, “You”. Have you ever heard an Irish person
say it? Never. Never. Although in fairness, there is a lot of Irish sayings
that don’t make sense. Craic, what’s the craic? By the way, we don’t condone drugs.
Don’t talk about crack. I like that
the sesh has gone up there because the sesh is very
important to me. If someone said top of the morning
to me, I’d have to sit down. And we’re not morning people. No. SHE LAUGHS “Potato! Potato!” I always get asked to say potato.
BLEEP hate potatoes. I BLEEP love potatoes. We do eat a lot of potatoes.
Yeah, we do. We’ve got mashed potatoes… Like, we make bread with potatoes.
Boxty. Boiled potatoes… They are nice but, like,
they’re only potatoes. Shepherd’s pie, cottage pie. It’s not like we’re all at home jerking off
looking at pictures of potatoes. Do you know what? I want potatoes
right now, to be quite honest. “I’ll bet you like a drink.” Yes. Yeah. Sure do. BLEEP love it. Don’t all Irish people drink? I don’t even drink. “Oh, you’re Irish,
you should be able to handle it.”
All the time. No. They expect if you’re going to
go out and drink that you’re going to be, like, mad. Irish people around the world
have this persona as being the happy people and the drunken
people. So light-hearted. And then when you’re not they kind of feel like,
I don’t know, you should be. If I decide I don’t want
another drink, people turn on you. People can almost overstep
the boundary at times. When people know that an Irish
person’s come to the party, they’re like,
“Oh, it’s going to be good!” Yeah. “How many first cousins
do you have?” I don’t really come from a massive
family. I come from a huge family. I thought I had 36 cousins. I think it’s just to do with
Irish people being Irish, isn’t it? I actually have 57. I think people had big families
in the ’70s and ’80s in Ireland because of the church. Birth
control. Yet, they didn’t use… There was no such thing as condoms. The reason my parents had so many
is because my mother’s Catholic and my father’s a man. SHE LAUGHS “Can you say…” “Tirty-tree…” “And three thirds.” They expect you to come out saying,
“Tirty-tree and a turd.” You should hear the way I sing
Dirrty by Christina Aguilera. Are you going to sing it?
As if you’re saying a turd, like something that
comes out of your bum. I only ever get it here, in London. # Dirty
Duh-duh-duh-duh… # Gonna get…
What you gonna… Dirty! # I always get asked, “Can you say
power shower for half an hour?” Names like Grainne… Like Niamh, they look at you, they’re like,
“What the BLEEP is that?” Saoirse. O’Shaughnessy. That one. Even I didn’t know
how to say that one. Siob-han. Siob-han. Siob-han. Cao-ilf-f-h-hionn. “Keelin”. My name is ridiculous. My sister is called Roisin.
They can’t say that. I settled for Clio, because I’ve given up. “When is St Patrick’s Day?” Bloody every day of the week. Patrick. St Paddy’s Day. Patrick.
And it’s the 17th of March. If you see people who are
wearing leprechaun hats… I do like the emerald green colour.
I think it’s very nice. ..you know, from a distance,
that they’re bellends. One year I actually
had my face painted. I’d be different,
I’ll get dressed up. Oh, that’s me every year. I just went on a three-day bender
and I rang work sick. Really railing against
the Irish stereotype there. “Who’s the biggest eejit
that you know that’s Irish?” Bono. Yes. We have a lot more than Bono. I’ve actually never listened to
one Bono song in my life. You have, that’s a lie. A lot of famous Irish people
are claimed by England. B*Witched, they were good. But they’ve never claimed Bono. We are always made to perform. But we’re very talented people. Pressie. Oh, Jesus. Like, I know lads that just stand up and they start reciting something
like Seamus Heaney. Ian Lloyd Anderson at the moment
is in the West End. Class. I don’t even know
who the BLEEP he is. Oh, no! Wow. Oh, my God! “Isn’t Ireland in the UK?” Oh! It’s complicated. It’s not
complicated. It’s very clear. There’s Northern Ireland,
which is part of the UK. I said, “Oh, well,
I’m in Ireland at the moment.” Yeah. And then there’s
the Republic of Ireland. And she said, “Well, when are you
coming back to the mainland?” And it can get a lot of people angry
because there’s obviously a lot of history behind it, a lot of tension
behind it, still now, actually. I feel like everybody knew
we were our own country when financially we went to shit. “Do you ever wish
you weren’t Irish?” How could you wish
you hadn’t got your arms? You were seen as a second-class
citizen when you were Irish back
then. Yeah. We got treated like BLEEP. “No blacks, no Irish, no dogs.” Other way round –
“No blacks, no dogs, no Irish.” Irish were under the dogs. Lots of English people now
look at Irish people as not being as foreign. Yeah.
“You’re not foreigners.” Exactly, they just see us
as being Irish now. We’re more like unwanted cousins. It is a fantastic thing to be Irish.
Yeah. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I think we have the best culture
and craic going on. But when we do get nice weather,
though, it’s such a beautiful… It is such a lovely country. Oh, best country in the world. You can get away with a lot.
It’s fantastic. Being Irish is fantastic. The
phrase, “Oh, they’re Irish…” Yeah. Yeah, that’s like
a get-out-of-jail-free card. It’s like the same as “Boys will
be boys.” “Oh, they’re Irish.” Yeah.