-Big show tonight. Kiss is here tonight,
ladies and gentlemen! [ Cheers and applause ] It’s perfect. You guys, tomorrow is Halloween, which means right now
parents who spent weeks making their kids an Iron Man
costume are being told, “Actually, I want to be a guy
from ‘Fortnite.'” You go, “Nope.
No, you’re being Iron Man.” I read that some people
are giving out healthier candy this Halloween, made from things
like quinoa or beets. Even people giving out apples
with razor blades are like, “You monsters.
What are you doing?” But this is fun. Tomorrow, Krispy Kreme
will give you a free doughnut if you walk in
wearing a costume. [ Cheers and applause ] Which means we now have
a new definition for the term “walk of shame.” It’s like, “Wow.
What are you doing?” Listen to this —
A woman in Ohio painted a 315-pound pumpkin
to look like Kanye West. [ Laughter ] Kanye loved it
’cause it combined his two favorite things,
himself and President Trump. It’s perfect. -Hey, what?
I don’t get it. Oh, yeah, I get it. -Speaking of the president,
the midterms are next week. And in the next six days,
Trump is holding 11 rallies. You can tell
he’s getting nervous ’cause he’s making last-minute
stops in key areas like Florida, Ohio, and Moscow. -Really?
-Yeah. And this is big. Trump wants to use
an executive order to end birthright citizenship, which is when a non-citizen
gives birth in the U.S., making the baby a citizen. Trump was like,
“It’s all part of my plan to make sure no babies
vote against me in 2020.” [ Laughter and applause ] “No babies.” Hey, this is cool. I saw that as of today, you can now stream episodes
of “Jeopardy!” on Netflix. [ Cheers and applause ] It’s pretty interesting,
but to be honest, I don’t know how many people
really want to rewatch old episodes
of “Jeopardy!” on Netflix. -Wait a minute, wait a minute.
“Jeopardy!” is on Netflix? Oh, man, that’s so awesome. [ Laughter ] -Tariq, you’re a fan
of “Jeopardy!”? -Yeah, man, I love “Jeopardy!” You remember the episode
where Alex Trebek is like, “Gideon Sundback came up
with the interlocking teeth for the fastener that today
is known as this.” And then the contestant’s like,
“What is the zipper?” And then Trebek’s like,
“That is correct.” And then the contestant
won $200. [ Laughter ] -No, I can’t say
I do remember that one. -What about the episode
where Trebek’s all like — he’s like, “As an actress, one of her last roles was in a
1962 episode of ‘Wagon Train.'” And then — And then Sue Baker,
she’s like — she’s like,
“Who’s Nancy Reagan?” And then Trebek’s like —
He’s all like, “Yes.” [ Laughter ] And then she won $400. -Wait, wait, wait, I’m sorry.
You know the contestant’s name? You remember that?
-Yeah, yeah. Sue Baker, she’s a medical coder
from Madison, Wisconsin. [ Laughter ] That was a classic episode. -Yeah. No, Tariq, I actually — I
definitely don’t remember that. -Oh, what about the one where
the contestant Ken Fisher, an attorney
from New York, New York, he goes, “Architecture
for $1,200, Alex.” And then — And then the screen,
it swooshes, and it’s a Daily Double. And then Trebek goes — He’s like, “How much
do you want to wager?” And then Ken’s like, “$3,200.” And then Trebek’s like —
He goes — He’s all like… [ Laughter ] He’s like —
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -“Of the three classical –”
-Tariq, please stop. Stop it, okay? I don’t remember any
of those episodes, okay? I don’t remember those episodes. -Well, what about
the episode where… [ Laughter ] …two people talk
about “Jeopardy!” and they have a great time? [ Light laughter ] -You mean…this show? -What is best friends? [ Laughter ] -That’s correct. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -What? -And the Emmy goes to… Tariq Trotter,
ladies and gentlemen! [ Cheers and applause ] Congratulations. [ Laughter ] -Oh, this is nice, you guys. I read about a cafeteria worker
in Virginia who writes positive messages
for students on bananas. Take a look at this.
Pretty cool. Look at that.
“You’re smart.” “Dream big.”
“Inspire yourself.” Yeah, it’s pretty uplifting. Well, I guess
the White House cafeteria does something similar. But their message in the White
House aren’t quite the same. I’ll show you what they mean. For example, this first banana
says, “Get out while you can.” [ Laughter ] This next one says
[Russian accent] “This is banana and definitely not
recording device.” [ Chuckles ] [ Normal voice ]
And finally, this banana says, “Note to President —
This is not a phone.” It’s like, “Hello? Hello? Hello? There’s no one there.
I guess he split.” [ Laughter ] [ Rim shot ] You like that one?
-Yeah, I loved it. [ Laughter ] -Some tech news here. Today, Apple announced
that their new MacBooks are made from
100% recycled aluminum. [ Cheers and applause ] Which sounds nice until you look
closely at your $2,000 laptop and see the faded words
“Mountain Dew.” And you go, “Well…”
[ Laughter ] And finally, a scientist
at a remote lab in Antarctica was arrested for stabbing
his co-worker because he kept spoiling
the endings of books for him. [ Laughter ] When it happened, all their
other co-workers were like, “Wow. We didn’t see
that ending coming.” You guys,
we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the Roots.